So, I’ve decided to work on a healing process I found on a blog, because God knows I need to heal, so this is the beginning of that process. Here I go…
Dear Melissa (well, my ten-year-old self),
I wish I could tell you that things are going to get easier than they are right now, but honestly, they’re only going to get harder.
When you’re about twelve, Mom and Dad will decide to “get back together”. Now, that may seem amazing, a “miracle”, if you will, but frankly, you’ll realize that they’re both completely miserable, and it was almost better when they were apart. Almost.
The fact that they are miserable will cause everyone in the house to be equally as miserable. You’ll go through multiple depressions, unknown to Mom and Dad, and you’ll get to the point where you want to hurt yourself, or do something stupid. But, you don’t do it, because something, you’re not sure what, stops you every time.
But, writing gets you through it all. Journal pages just filled with in. It helps keep you sane.
You meet Sarah, someone who is your best friend for four years, until the church, or “cult”, as you’ll call it, swallows her whole. She ditches you, and you’re alone.
You’ll go through your share of boyfriends – six, to be exact: Hayden Bryant, Cyrus Jolivette, Frankie McIntosh, Chase Keenan, Brandon Monville, and Josue Cardosa. All of them, short-lived and petty, except that last one. He’ll steal your heart, love you, hurt you, need you, and make you feel beautiful. But, after six months, it will be over, completely. I’ll spare you the details, but just know that he will always love you, and you will always love him. You will never get those feelings and the memories you shared out of your mind.
As of now, I’m only sixteen, six years older than you, so I’m not quite sure if it is 100% completely over yet, but I have the smallest bit of hope that one day we will be together again, no matter what it takes. He even says he’ll wait for however long it takes. That’s true love.
Mom and Dad will give you hell, every single day of your life. They’ll bug the crap out of you about high school, about college classes, about your personal life. Some days (most days), you’ll want to throw in the towel and just do something really stupid. When you reach out to Mom for help, she may not be there for you. Please don’t love her any less. It’s just how she is.
And whatever you do, don’t stop writing and don’t give up hope on the things/people who matter most to you.
Love,
Yourself. <3
